The Spectacle of Love

a6c4b432b84994f968d856e05ccd46.jpgAssalaamu-Alaykum (Peace be Upon you)

Here’s the scene:

Boy looks at girl, girl looks at boy. The boy smiles. The girl smiles back. The boy holds her gaze for a second until the girl looks away fluttering her eyelids. He moves over, starts talking to her, gets to know her, and blah blah blah, you know the rest.

Ok, so I’m not going to take the prize for the world’s best romance writer yet, but you get the picture. This is the ‘classic’ boy meets girls, boy falls in love with girl scenario that we have all grown up with, witnessed a million times on TV and films, and maybe even hoped to occur in our lives – after all, everybody wants to be loved.

But is this reality?

How many times have those same relationships which have been based on love, lust and desires, broken up before our very eyes? And how many times have we seen the couple who got together in episode 2 break up in episode 3?

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t marry somebody whom you happen to love. Nor am I trying to put forward that all love marriages eventually break up – no.

For me, happiness is an essential part of matrimony and Islam teaches that the union of two people through marriage will insha-Allah (with the Will of Allah) produce this happiness, but only if one fundamental criterion is met, that we choose whom we marry carefully and we marry suitably.

Now how do we do that?

Simple. By not making love, lust or desire, the single most important factor, but following the guidance our dear Prophet (PBUH) gave us. He advised us that a woman is chosen on four grounds; either her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her piety. He further advised that if a woman is chosen due to her piety then that person will be successful.

Obviously, we have to remember that whoever we marry, boy or girl, it is us that will have to wake up next to that person for the rest of lives. Therefore, we are allowed to be attracted to that person as well – Islam doesn’t say that you should marry a religious person even thought you hate that person’s guts! But it seems that we should attempt to strike a balance and be extra selective in coming to the decision of who to marry, which is one of the biggest decisions one makes in life.

Indeed the bliss and enjoyment of another person’s company can only be experienced when there is compromise by both parties – marriage is a two way street of give and take, and this leads us back to the infinite wisdom of the Prophet’s (PBUH) advice, because when a person has a close relationship with Allah, then he or she is more likely to compromise and fulfil the rights of the other person, which in turn will lead to peace and happiness in the marriage and insha-Allah, true love.

So there you have it.

True love for each other through the love that we have for Allah. Now that’s what I call romance!

And Allah knows best.

Ma’as-salaam

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5 Responses to “The Spectacle of Love”

  1. Is piety enough or is it necessary for the couple to have other things in common such as social backgrounds, family way of life and wealth?

  2. [...] a reminder on the 4 criteria, please see the post entitled, ‘The Spectacle of Love‘. Email This [...]

  3. Hmm, like I said in the post, it is EXTREMELY important to have things in common, otherwise marital life will be difficult. It’s extremely important for couples to be on the ’same level’, but the aim of this post was to highlight the fact that we should be placing much more emphasis on the ground of piety, and still take other factors into account.
    Jazakallah for your comment, we welcome more!

  4. Letter by a Muslim Sister in Leicester.
    A lesson for all!
    I have a story to tell. So sit back with ease and take heed of what I am about to say. I was once young, full of the vigour of youth, blessed with good looks and a personality to match. Everyday was a new adventure for me. I took no heed from my parents’ advice. I was neglectful of my duties to my Lord.

    The world was my oyster. I had no worries. Life was for living! I was carefree. Males desired me, females envied me; life was wonderful.

    That was a few years ago. Little did I know that my life would change. Today my life is a very different story. Everyday is a torment for me; life feels like a burden and though I am trying to be dutiful towards my Lord, I feel I am not getting very far. “Why”, I kept asking myself, “is my life like this?” The answer was staring me in the face.

    I’d been neglectful towards my Lord. I’d been too intoxicated with lust and desire, committed sins that my Lord had warned against. I was so involved in them that I thought I was doing no wrong. In hindsight I was living in sin from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to sleep.

    I am a mother now and when I see the youngsters leaving school today, freely mixing with each other and holding hands, I look at them and think, “You all think it’s so right, but you don’t know how wrong it is.” That is why I thought of writing this letter. If just one of you takes my advice, then my letter is not in vain.

    TV, music, magazines all contribute to our desires and actions. I think that it takes a strong and true Believer, someone who truly fears Allah, to walk away from sins especially, zinã (fornication). Let your first touch, your first kiss be with the person you’ll spend eternity with, your husband or wife. Don’t give into a “moment of madness”, a relationship that may not even last a week.

    Allah has given us the ability to do many things, but the one thing He has not given us is the chance to turn back time. Had He done so, I would do it in a second and correct so many wrongs. But I can’t have that. My mistakes will be with me for life. You have a chance not to make these mistakes. Don’t make them, watch Him bless your life in both worlds.

    Pray for me and for the entire Ummah.

  5. Thank you for your letter dear sister. I think one of the main things highlighted by that is the importance of something called Hayaa (modesty) in Islam. It is one of the underlying features of Islam and applies to every aspect of a Muslim’s life – whether it be clothing or the way you speak – needless to say that it is integral in the life of a modest human being. Jazakallah.

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