Assalaamu-Alaykum (Peace be Upon you)
With the good news of yet another friend of mine falling prey to the charms of the woman of his dreams (!), I started thinking again (I can hear you thinking, ‘oh no!’)…..
So why do people get married?
What intentions do they have?
Islamically, marriage is a Sunnah (practice) of all the Prophets (may Peace be Upon them all) and above all the Sunnah of Muhammad (PBUH). And one of the main characteristics is that it provides stability in the lives of the couple, steadying their rocking hearts through any worries and troubles they may have.
However, that state of peace and tranquility must, therefore, only be reached after both partners make a constant effort on their relationship, and that once again brings us back to the question of choosing the right partner.
Then we have arranged marriages - a practice which I truly approve of (when done with consent!!)
Due to the fact that arranged marriages are, well….. arranged, it means that most of the time, the couple do not spend much time together before marriage (most of the time!). This means that they start to learn about each other in wedlock - now is that a good thing?
Well it is argued that because the consent given by both parties is an informed consent, given only after both of them have had a chance to speak to each other, that the ensuing relationship will be good and stable, because although the couple are married and have never lived with each other, it does mean that they put a lot more effort in, especially during times of strain; because they know they are married (they may even have children) and know that they have to make it work.
Compare this with the average ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ or ‘non-married couple living together’ relationship which is flouted by the West because of the ‘independence’ afforded to both parties. It is because of this so-called ‘independence’ that as soon as there is strain in the relationship, and even though they may be living together, because the bond of marriage is not there providing that underlying stability, it is not that difficult to let go and end the relationship.
Well at this point you may be saying, ‘hang on, that’s not always the case’ to which I would agree, however, despite the fact that the number of marriages is now at its lowest ever in the UK and the rate of divorce is continually soaring, marriage truly is the best and only form of relationship between man and woman and the best way to ensure that the very fabric of society is clean and wholesome. Indeed, that is why it is stated in Hadith (Tradition of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH) that “Marriage is half of Faith, and the rest is Fear Allah”.
And Allah knows best.
Ma’as-salaam
Correction!
Indeed marriage is a sunnah of the prophets (a.s.)
All Prophets (a.s.) were married except for 2!
Hudhud
January 4th, 2008
Would you care to enlighten us as to who they were?
Sid
January 4th, 2008
Who ever wrote the above “The Safety Net of Marriage”, would u like 2 tell us whether ur friend who u reffered 2 us as getting married, is his marriage arranged or love??
Z.R
January 4th, 2008
Well to my understanding it is an arranged marriage…
Sid
January 5th, 2008
Z.R I’m the friend Sid’s refers too. There are many story’s floating around in our small community however to clarify we were introduced by a third party. Moreover, I’d like to say Arranged or Love with the grace of Allah may we have a life together that is both beneficial for us and the deen of Islam
Just remember the Hadith
I hope the the point is fairly self explanatory.
And Allah knows best.
Hussain
January 6th, 2008
Well thanks for all your replies. But I really don’t understand why people make such a big fuss about getting married! Single life is much more better and fun! All you single people out there should know exactly what I mean!!
Z.R
January 7th, 2008
Hey Sid I wanted to ask u a question…
How do I post stories on the blog? Am I not allowed? Is it the moderators (i.e yourself) who can only post stuff on the blog? Do we need special user requirements or something?
Z
January 7th, 2008
Z - why don’t u send me an e-mail through the contact us section and we can discuss it further…
Sid
January 7th, 2008
Z.R As Muslim’s we try to bring as many Sunnats (ways of the Prophet) in to our lives. Marriage is one of many Sunnats and like all Sunnats they are very beneficial. Hopefully if you read the articles posted on this site you will gain an understanding of the importance of marriage. I take your point of the benefits of being single. I was for many years and this gave me a lot of fun in life. However, as this is a sunnat I have firm believe that it will be of benefit to me, my fiancé and with the grace of Allah to mankind.
Hussain
January 11th, 2008
ok fair enuf, I do get ur point. But not evry1 finks like dat.
(init Yaz! do comment!)
Z.R
January 11th, 2008
wots going on with the
screen above?? the 1st
letter ov all the words
on a new line are missing!
can sum1 sort it out! It
doesnt luk gud!
Z.R
January 11th, 2008
This topic is very interesting and to an extent 100% true. I agree that marriage lays a foundation of stability in all relationships but this is not always the case. This is all entirely dependent on the couples themselves and how much faith, trust and love they have for each other. You will find couples who have been successfully living with each other for the same time or even longer than married couples!! Like you say this topic works both ways.
However I would like to ask for anyone’s opinions on what they think of arranged marriages compared to love marriages. What are your comments on this from both a religious and cultural point of view?
Yaz
January 14th, 2008
Salaam
I know this is a couple of months late, but i’ve only been introduced to this site recently.
Anyways replying to “Yaz” -
Someone’s mentioned already that the whole definition of “arranged marriage the islamic way” has been taken well out of context. I agree with that completely.
Personally I don’t understand it.
I myself have had a fairly strict Islamic upbringing. Which doesn’t mean my parents have kept me locked in my house away from the world, no! Infact i’ve just finished Uni. But all the Shariah rules have been drilled in to my head from day 0… Alhamdulillah.
So I thought when it comes to marriage my parents will do everything the Islamic way. I couldn’t have been so wrong. (not that i’m married or anything)
My brother got married recently and uhum although it was an “arranged” marriage it certainly wasn’t within the Shariah rules.
However it was certainly within the “Cultural” rules. Parents these day’s are under the illusion that it’s okay to find the right match for their children and after that let them do what they want… even though the Nikkah ceremony has not been performed..
People say it’s important to “get to know” you’re spouse really well before you get married. I say, ask a standard person who has been in a (haraam) relationship for a long time, exactly which bit of there time together was the best part?! Most will answer “the first few months” and that’ll be because the couple are getting to know each other. Wouldn’t you rather have this after marriage? Like my mum say’s, “every marriage is a love marriage.” and “you learn to love. you don’t love a person straight away”
Sorry for extra long post. Hope it makes sense (inshaAllah)
May Allah SWT help and guide us all in attaining the best of spouses in the most halaal way possible. And keep us steadfast upon his deen always and forever! Aameen!!
A
March 10th, 2008