It’s so easy to forget all the good things – so easy to forget what makes every day worth living.

And it’s so easy to forget all the bad things – all the bad things which steal the sleep from your eyes and rob you of your faith in humanity.

What a system Allah has created! When good things happen we all smile and let the world know, but when we take a stumble upon the bumpy road which we call life, we look at the sky, spread our hands and ask, ‘Why me?’

Indeed what a system! You’d think that when Allah wants something good for us in this life and in the Akhirah (Hereafter) he would make it easy for us and make the road straight and safe – sometimes.  But sometimes I think that maybe Allah tests us because He wants to see exactly where our loyalties lie, and he wants to find out how sincere we are in our beliefs and in our convictions…

Because it is only throught man’s affliction that man’s true nature comes out, and just as the metal must go through the furnace to be purified, Allah has set the system until the end of time that if you want Him, you have to give your ALL for him.

Now that is something deep – something which shakes the very foundations of my weak weak heart.

A look at history shows why Allah states in the Qur’an that he is pleased with the Companions of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH).  The trials they went through were of a magnitude that we cannot even conceive of thinking of.  And yet, they stood firm, like rocks in the storm of life, and came through as pure as gold.

But Allah is Merciful, and he doesn’t expect that from everyone.  It is stated in a Hadith:

No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.

So just remember, we all have good days and we all have bad days.  Sometimes it is our fault, and other times we are blameless – the trick is to keep going and making your relationship with your Lord immovable and unshakeable.

I end with these beautiful thoughts written by someone who was in probably one of the most difficult trials a person can face in this age of injustice and imprisonment without trial or charge:

The beauty of the realities of faith is that they interesect with one another to carve out a person who can withstand storms of pressure from his environment. The ultimate reality of Qada’ and Qadar is directly intertwined with the roads of patience, gratitude, and reliance. Sabr, shukr, and tawakkul – what a beautiful combination…

It is from this combination that the most interesting and mind-boggling people walked this Earth and sustained themselves upon – the awliya’ of Allah. The Prophets Nuh, Ibrahim, Musa, ‘Isa, Muhammad (عليهم الصلاة و السلام), Abu Hanifah, ash-Shafi’i, Ahmad bin Hambal, an-Nawawi, Ibn Taymiyyah, his loyal student Ibn al-Qayyim, Sayyid Qutb, and many others – they all drank from a pure, clear spring that invigorated and refreshed them, bringing them sense, intellect, power, and influence. That spring was flowing with a perfect combination of these essential ingredients: sabr, shukr, tawakkul, and belief in Qada’ and Qadar.

Ma’as-salaam – With Peace

I couldn’t believe this when I read it – I just couldn’t!

86 wives!!

Yes, this is about the man in Nigeria who is married to 86 women – unbelievable isn’t it?!

So, the question begs to be asked – is that allowed?

And the answer to that is a resounding NO!

Islam permits a man to marry a maximum of 4 wives at any one time, however, the decision to marry more than once should not be taken lightly, oh no!

If that is the case, and a man marries more than once, then Islam places strict guidelines as to how he treats each of his wives.

Basically, there has to be equality.  If, for example, he gets something for one, then he must get it for the other(s).  Therefore, financially there has to be equality, materially there has to be equality and also in how he treats each one of them.

Because at the end of the day, a woman is not a piece of property or something to be enjoyed at one’s whim and fancy – no.

At the risk of stating an obvious truth, she is a human being and has rights to be fulfilled just as any other person, and if a man is married more than once, then he has to be careful that he fulfils the rights of each and every one properly.

That is why I say, that one is enough, and if you fulfil her rights properly it is a great indication of how much you value your wife.

More than one?  Well, sometimes, there are situations which prevail in a person’s life when that becomes a real possibility, and there are many marriages even in this modern world where the husband and wives lead happy, contented lives.

And for those who say that it is immoral, all I can do is point them in the direction of those ‘moral’ people who are cheating on their wives by having a mistress or resorting to prostitutes for sex (may Allah protect us).  When that happens, the West is happy to turn a blind eye, but when Islam legitimises it and brings it under a controlled system where everyone concerned is aware, it is known as bigamy – isn’t that fair?!

So, going back to Mr Mohammed Bello Abubakar, it’s a definite no-no.  Islam says 4 – not 86, no matter what the ‘order’ may be.

And Allah knows best.

Ma’as-salaam – With Peace

Assalaamu-Alaykum – Peace be Upon you

Alhumdulillah (all Praise belongs to Allah) the Marriage Matters seminar took place last Saturday with a decent turnout of around 100 women.

We had handouts of the seminar notes as well as the ‘controversial’ (!) ‘10 Tips to be a Successful Husband/Wife’ leaflet. Please see below for the links to view those handouts.

As well as an extremely informative and highly stimulating lecture delivered by Moulana Ilyas Dalal, we were happy to see and hear the questions which the ladies who attended raised.

We now invite all those who attended and indeed, even those who didn’t attend to leave us your comments on what you liked/disliked, and how we can improve. Alternatively if you don’t feel comfortable about other people seeing your question you can now e-mail us at hidayahblog@gmail.com.

Finally, jazakallah khair (may Allah give the best recompense) to those who helped out in any way, big or small – we couldn’t have done it without ya!

Click on the link below for the Power Point Presentation Lecture Notes

MARRIAGE IN ISLAM zakaria masjid.ppt 283K View as HTML Download

Click on the link below for the ‘10 Tips to be a Successful Husband’ Leaflet

Ten Tips Towards Being a Successful Husband.doc 42K View as HTML Scan and download

Click on the link below for the ‘10 Tips to be a Successful Wife’ Leaflet

Ten Tips Towards Being a Successful Wife.doc 39K View as HTML Scan and download

Ma’as-salaam – With Peace

Assalaamu-Alaykum – Peace be Upon you

Well it’s here – finally!

Insha-Allah (with the Will of Allah) this Saturday, 7 June 2008 we will be holding the long awaited ‘Marriage Matters’ seminar for ladies only (the one for men is going to be soon after insha-Allah).

The seminar will focus on the position of marriage, relationships and family life in Islam. It is intended for those who are married and those looking to get married, and also for anybody else who wants to come along and learn about what Allah and the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said with regards to married life for a Muslim and Muslimah.

So please come along if you have the time, and bring anybody else who may be interested along with you. The program will be in English only and there will also be time for Q&A insha-Allah. Here are the full details:

Event: Marriage Matters – Where Islam and Marriage go Hand in Hand

Date: Saturday 7 June 2008

Time: 4pm – 5:30pm (1 hour seminar, 30 mins Q&A)

Speaker: Moulana Ilyas Dalal

Venue: Upstairs Hall in Zakaria Masjid, Dewsbury, WF12 9ND

See you there insha-Allah.

Ma’as-salaam – With Peace

Opening night, and all is quiet…

It’s those magical few seconds before the curtain goes up. The crowd are holding their breath, the director’s having his 74th panic attack (!) and the lead is telling himself that it’s all going to be alright on the night, when it happens…..

…..quite suddenly something unexplained goes ‘click’ in the lead’s head and everything goes numb – his ability to speak, his memory of the lines and most importantly, his will to step out on to that stage – a classic case of stage fright (hope you kept your receipt!!)

Ok, now imagine the crowd to be, not at a play but at a wedding, and imagine the director to be not one, but 74 (the people who helped out!) and imagine the lead to be…..well yes, imagine him to be the leading man or lady!

And now imagine the stage fright!

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!

Now this stage fright is not unexplained – no. It has a reason. The reason is called ‘forced marriage’.

‘Aaahhh’ I hear you say, ‘now we get it!’

‘Well,’ you ask, ‘if it was a forced marriage, then how on earth did it ever get this far?’ – A valid question, I agree.

The thing is, in the hornet’s nest that is the Asian marriage culture (notice how I say ‘Asian’ and not ‘Islamic’), due to the emotional pressure that is put on the girl (or the guy) by the parents, sometimes the bride or groom find it difficult to say no, and before they know it, the bed is no longer empty on the other side, and the towel’s wet and they haven’t even had their shower!

How does this happen?

Just consider this: father has a daughter whom he wants to get married. It just so happens, that his elder brother has a son around the same age, and guess what? He’s looking to get married as well!!

It couldn’t be more of an ideal match – or could it?

The boy and the girl are introduced to each other, but right from the outset, although acknowledging him to be her first cousin, the girl absolutely revolts the boy. Now we have a problem…..

…..On the one hand, the girl has her own happiness to think about (and possibly she has met someone else as well!) and on the other hand, she knows that her father and the rest of her family will be thrilled to know that she is going to marry her first cousin – what is a girl to do?

Does she forsake her own happiness and wishes and marry to make her family happy, or does she speak out and stand up for herself and run the risk of bringing ‘disgrace’ upon the family?

What would you do?

So, months down the line, while she is still unsure, all the preparations have been made, the invites have been sent, the hall hired, and all of a sudden she finds herself having a serious case of the jitters in that long walk up to the stage before the curtains go up. Forget cold feet, she’s wishing right now that she had no feet!

And there really is none of that so called ‘disgrace’. What’s disgraceful is the pressure put on the bride or groom by the families, and a lot of times, the parents.

So the next wedding you go to this summer, take a closer look at the leading couple – what do you think?

Or if it’s your turn to be cast this year in the lead role, make sure your doing it for all the right reasons, or you might just get stage fright!

And Allah knows best.

Ma’as-salaam – With Peace

With the good news of yet another friend of mine falling prey to the charms of the woman of his dreams (!), I started thinking again (I can hear you thinking, ‘oh no!’)…..

So why do people get married?

What intentions do they have?

Islamically, marriage is a Sunnah (practice) of all the Prophets (may Peace be Upon them all) and above all the Sunnah of Muhammad (PBUH). And one of the main characteristics is that it provides stability in the lives of the couple, steadying their rocking hearts through any worries and troubles they may have.

However, that state of peace and tranquility must, therefore, only be reached after both partners make a constant effort on their relationship, and that once again brings us back to the question of choosing the right partner.

Then we have arranged marriages – a practice which I truly approve of (when done with consent!!)

Due to the fact that arranged marriages are, well….. arranged, it means that most of the time, the couple do not spend much time together before marriage (most of the time!). This means that they start to learn about each other in wedlock – now is that a good thing?

Well it is argued that because the consent given by both parties is an informed consent, given only after both of them have had a chance to speak to each other, that the ensuing relationship will be good and stable, because although the couple are married and have never lived with each other, it does mean that they put a lot more effort in, especially during times of strain; because they know they are married (they may even have children) and know that they have to make it work.

Compare this with the average ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ or ‘non-married couple living together’ relationship which is flouted by the West because of the ‘independence’ afforded to both parties. It is because of this so-called ‘independence’ that as soon as there is strain in the relationship, and even though they may be living together, because the bond of marriage is not there providing that underlying stability, it is not that difficult to let go and end the relationship.

Well at this point you may be saying, ‘hang on, that’s not always the case’ to which I would agree, however, despite the fact that the number of marriages is now at its lowest ever in the UK and the rate of divorce is continually soaring, marriage truly is the best and only form of relationship between man and woman and the best way to ensure that the very fabric of society is clean and wholesome. Indeed, that is why it is stated in Hadith (Tradition of the Prophet Muhammad PBUH) that “Marriage is half of Faith, and the rest is Fear Allah”.

And Allah knows best.

Ma’as-salaam

Alhumdulillah (All Praise belongs to Allah) I am back.

Back from the holiday of a lifetime from the picturesque paradise of the Maldives.

Back to face what Allah has ordained for me in this life, but with one very important addition – my lovely wife – alhumdulillah!

And back to reality!

Aaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Take me back! Take me back please!

Anyway, enough of my ranting…

The Maldives, situated in the Indian Ocean, consists of around 1190 islands, of which only 200 are inhabited. And although it is a Muslim country, due to the fact that a lot of the islands are owned by hotels for holidaymakers like myself and my wife, there is no ‘visible’ Islam.

However, it cannot be said that the Maldivians have any excuse for forgetting Allah, due to the fact that they are so immersed in the N’emahs (bounties) of Allah.

All I saw was a blue sky, a crystal clear sea and white sand – a totally sun drenched, idyllic escape. Perfection!

Of the many activities that I was lucky enough to participate in, one of them was snorkelling. I had never been snorkelling before, and alhumdulillah I could not have gone snorkelling in a better place. This is because, around the island I was staying on, there was a vast and colourful coral reef – it was simply beautiful!

As soon as I was underwater, it was like I had entered another world! Fish of all colours and sizes, all swimming together. Stingrays, Moray Eels and even Reef Sharks at night, I was just flabbergasted and even flooded my snorkel a few times trying to say Allahu-Akbar (Allah is Great) underwater!

It was whilst we were sitting on the jetty and observing all the different kinds of fish swimming together, that my wife made the observation that all the fish of the sea live alongside one another and swim in the same water in complete harmony even though they are all different colours and different kinds, but Insaan (humans) cannot live upon Allah’s earth without spilling each other’s blood.

That got me thinking, and whilst I was out snorkelling later I thought of how if we as Muslims did not continue to do what was required of us – as Muslims – then just as a person will start sinking if they do not keep swimming, we will also sink in the esteem of people and in the sight of Allah if we do not carry on practising Islam and doing everything in our power to propagate it as best as we can.

And it is without doubt that any Muslim can propagate Islam, regardless of how practising he or she is. If the intention is to improve and learn and gain nearness to Allah, then Allah will help that person in their practice and their Dawah (propagation of Islam).

However, propagating Islam doesn’t mean that everybody should be forced to accept Islam. It is the dictum of Islam that there is no compulsion in it and that nobody can be forced to accept Islam.

But that doesn’t mean that Muslims should not outwardly practice their religion and be any less forthcoming about it. Indeed, if we started talking to each other about religion, then we might feel an increased desire to learn and practice it and more importantly, show the true beauty of it to the rest of the world.

So swim we must, because we have already entered the water and we all have to get to the other side. But are we going to kick wildly in the hope that the current will carry us to the right place or will we place the lifejacket of Islam around our necks and swim for sure?

Ma’as-salaam.

It’s amazing why more and more people don’t want to get married these days…

Obviously, the illicit morals which are promoted by Western society have a lot to do with it. The idea of sexual freedom, personal freedom, the idea of doing what you want and not being bound by the constraint of having to think about anybody else.

But in actual fact, it seems we have got lost in the blurb of the West and forgotten about the things which are actually good for us…

Everybody wants peace of mind. Everybody wants stability in their hearts from any worries which are rocking the structure of their lives. Of course everybody wants to do what they want, but isn’t it better when that thing is shared? Indeed, as a Muslim, don’t we want to get reward for every action that we do? Don’t we want to be worshipping Allah every second of the day – don’t we want to be in a state of kinetic worship?

And so, the Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (PBUH), through his action and through his speech instructed us, his followers, to marry.

He taught us that after a Muslim gets married, he or she is in a perpetual state of worship, whereby every action done earns great rewards, even if that be a morsel of food in the mouth of the partner. He told us that when a Muslim marries, he or she completed half of their Iman (Faith) and that they should fear Allah for the remaining half.

And such is the beauty of Islam, such is its common sense nature, that the Prophet (PBUH) even said that when husband and wife have sexual intercourse with each other, as well as fulfilling their carnal desires, they actually earn great rewards in the Akhirah (Hereafter)! The Companions (RA), questioned the Prophet (PBUH) about this and he confirmed that just as a person would be guilty of adultery if this were carried on outside wedlock, when this is done as part of matrimony, Allah gives the couple reward.

And finally, the Prophet (PBUH) specifically instructed the Muslims to marry pious men and women.

The reason?

So that the couple fulfil their rights and obligations towards one another and so that they have pious offspring who obey Allah and thus make a better contribution to society.

May Allah find us all the partners who are Khair (good) for us and may He give us the Taufiq (Divine aid) to fulfil each other’s rights.

And Allah knows best.

Ma’as-salaam

Well here we are again, trying to separate religion from culture. Trying to separate the facts from the myths. Trying to re-inject the common sense of the way of life of Islam and dissuade the masses from the mindless rituals of culture.

A point which cannot be overstressed I think is the fact that Islam is not just a religion but a complete code of conduct.

For a Muslim, his or her Islam applies when eating, sleeping, drinking, socialising, during trade and business, events like marriage and funerals, when going to the bathroom – even mid-coetus!

And the observant ones amongst you will have noticed that, therefore, Islam does not just apply to worship, and I would go on to say that yes, you are spot on – Allah did not bless us with the gift of Islam so that we shut it up in the Masjids (Mosques).

Allah gave us the Gift of all gifts so that through our practice of it, humanity can see the common sense, simplicity and purity of Islam. Which way of life teaches that its adherents place emphasis on washing themselves after they relieve themselves? Or which way of life teaches a Dua (supplication) even at the time of sexual intercourse?

Verily, the life of a Muslim must be filled with Dhikr (remembrance) of Allah and the lesson of Islam is that it must not be confined to Masjid, but rather that we do not forget Allah whether we are in the market place or at home; whether with a group of friends or alone; during times of sadness (funerals) or during times of joy (marriage) – we must never forget He who created us.

And it is easy – so easy…

How do we remember Allah when eating, sleeping or relieving oneself?

By following the guidance of our Prophet (SAW) – his Sunnah (methodology).

How do we remember Allah at times of extreme happiness like marriage or exam success?

By thanking Allah and by conducting our marriage according to Sunnah and not falling prey to mindless customs (whether they be Western, Indian, Pakistani or any other), and empty cultural rituals.

That’s because remembering Allah comes in the shapes and forms which are proscribed by our dear Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), and the way of the Prophet (PBUH) is nothing but guidance through and through.. And by practising Sunnah and discarding culture and ritual, we are actively remembering and giving preference to Allah, and automatically we are involved in the most special of Islamic practices – the practice of Da’wah (propagation of Islam).

So there you have it – the bliss of the way of life of Islam compared to the stress and illogicality of the baseless cultures we sometimes find ourselves in.

May Allah give me, and everybody the Taufiq (Divine aid) to act upon this and become a means of bringing peace and tranquility to humanity. Ameen.

And I must take this opportunity and request every one of my readers to make Dua (supplication) that Allah makes my up and coming wedding such that it is pleasing to Him and according to Sunnah, and that He put love and Barakah (blessings, abundance, there is, no exact translation) in my marriage. Ameen. Jazakallah.

And Allah knows best.

Ma’as-salaam

So you want to get married?

Are you sure?

Have you thought about it?

Are you up for it?

Have you told your parents?

Are they ’sorting’ it out?

This last question may confuse a couple of people. After all, why would parents ’sort’ it out? They’re not the ones getting married – you are…..

…..Aren’t you?

Most people will have heard of arranged marriages. Indeed, lots and lots of people have had arranged marriages and statistically they are proven to be more successful than ‘love’ marriages – not to say that love marriages are wrong – oh no!

Arranged marriages in Britain, however, are predominant in Asian culture and are relatively rare within English people. It seem that we have come a long way from the Pride and Prejudice days!

So what exactly is an arranged marriage?

Well, to my feeble understanding (!) an arranged marriage is where the parents of the boy and girl mutually agree to let the two meet. And if, after their meeting, the boy decides that he has found the woman of his dreams and the girl thinks that she will be able to tolerate this guy for the rest of her life (!), i.e. the boy and girl give their consent without any outside influence, then, with the blessing of the parents, the couple fulfil half of their Islam and get married.

Now wasn’t that easy!

So when is it ever difficult?

Well, in my opinion, the difficulties arise when the word ‘arranged’ becomes entangled with the word ‘forced’ (now you can see why I emboldened the words in the paragraph above!).

There are many factors as to why people are forced to marry and so I will not go into them here. But please, remember that if you are the one on who the spotlight is shining, then please, think about your happiness as well as others. You’ll be surprised how many people think that if their parents are happy then they will be too, only to find out that the person sleeping next to them is zero rather than hero.

And remember the four criteria set by our great Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) – beauty, wealth, lineage and piety. If you follow this, and ask Allah to do the rest, then insha-Allah (with the Will of Allah), you will have the man/woman of your dreams.

So don’t marry the Asian way, marry the Islamic way!

And Allah knows best.

Ma’as-salaam

For a reminder on the 4 criteria, please see the post entitled, ‘The Spectacle of Love‘.